Blood Tracks (1985) Review

Euro slashers are unlike any movie from any other genre. They often manage to push the envelope even farther than American slashers and are notoriously unique. Do they work as good horror films? Not really, but Blood Tracks, which is more Hills Have Eyes than Friday the 13th, is certainly not like any other film I’ve seen, which must mean something… somewhere…somehow. It’s semi-engaging for approximately one half of the film and then gets so muddled I couldn’t even tell who was who by the end. Nor did I really get the end. But you know, life is confusing, so I just roll with the punches.

A neat-o glam rock band (real-life band Easy Action) head into the snowy mountains to film an artsy video. If artsy means girls with mullets in bathing suits in 2 degree weather, then this movie is pure Van Gogh! I mean, this band is making groundbreaking videos! It’s incredible just to watch the creativity flow. While making this awesomely unrivaled video, some unlucky crew member stumbles onto an abandoned power factory, or something, where this crazed family has been hiding away for the last 40 years. Yup, mom is old as hell and before they took off she stabs some guy (her hubby? I couldn’t tell) and then hid her family away. During this period, the kids got some kind of skin problem as they are all deformed now (frostbite? I couldn’t tell). At any rate, after this guy goes there to record the sounds of an avalanche (he went INSIDE to record the sounds? I couldn’t tell), various people go looking for him and guess what? Dead.

There’s lots of nonsense to be had through most of the proceedings, which I probably would have found charming if I could tell who was who. I do remember the funky blonde groupie/model chick who lures one of the band members into a car and as they’re getting ready for something tawdry, an avalanche buries them inside. Some crew members dig them out and the woman, who is now nude, goes inside and gives some pretty nasty ‘tude to the other girls. She marvels at the erotic-icity (yeah, that’s right) of doing it in the snow!

The cast is pretty large, so eventually there’s this kind of chaotic montage of murder. Some people just die or don’t show up – I think. Oh I give up! This movie is a mess. I pride myself on being able to follow these kinds of movies, but Blood Tracks had me stumped. It’s simply ponderous.

I will say that although Blood Tracks is not terribly gruesome, is extremely hard to follow and it’s all pretty friggin’ silly, if you watch it in a crowd it’s a killer movie. Otherwise, it’s an endurance test. If the drinks are flowing and your friends are fans of MST3K, then Blood Tracks is a sure fire success.

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